I’ve never considered myself to be an easy person to deal with. I’ve never claimed to be one either. But my experiences have taught me one thing- people find simplicity very inviting and comforting. It makes them feel like they have a lot less on their plate. Or maybe it’s the illusion of feeling empowered by dealing with and overcoming something uncomplicated. But I’ve tried simplicity, and it doesn’t do much for me. I think I’ve got too much to lose at the expense of simplicity. Emotion, intellect, knowledge, human behavior and interaction, and just the basic psyche of people- these are the things that excite me, none of which are “simple” in any sense. And I wouldn’t sacrifice them for simplicity. The bargain just isn’t inviting enough.
None of what I’m saying is axiomatic. I’m simply stating what works for me. I’ve met very few people who would consciously adopt the same school of thought as me, and even fewer people who can appreciate the essence of what I believe, even if they choose not to follow it themselves.
And because of this, I’ve had some anxious moments about this take on life. I’ve wondered if it would hinder my success- not professional or superficial success- but my success as a person. Self-doubt is by far the worst state of mind I’ve experienced. But my worst bout of self-doubt taught me something- how to be okay with it. Not to get immune to it and to let it not affect you, but to just know it’s important, and as clichéd as this may sound- to know it’ll pass. The strength to overcome this dubious state of mind may not always come from within. More often than not, it comes from an external source. It did for me.
For the first time I surprised myself. I was willing to let another person take control of my problem, willing to let go of my obsessive nature of wanting to solve it on my own. And it was brilliant. It was amazing to discover things about myself and the world and the people and their emotions-the kind of things you assume only existed in YOUR head. It was comforting to know that there was another person whose head was as quirky yet tumultuous as mine. It was relieving to feel okay about not wanting to live with a fear of complexity. It was humbling to be appreciated purely for my rationale, my principles, my beliefs. For once it was easy, without any intention of mine to make it so. For once it was accidently “simple”. And it still is.
-- Keep it real and honest, silly. --