Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Mirrored.

NOT MY WORDS THIS TIME; NEVERTHELESS, SOMETHING THAT MOVED ME:

Life. It is so abstract. No matter how planned someone may think their life is, it is a blank canvas, where only a billion strokes can paint a picture. There are so many things that affect each stroke. But the greatest variable there is, is people. People are a complex concoction of flesh, blood, organs, senses, thoughts and emotions. They are born a blank canvas, and die a beautiful painting.


I've always wondered why human beings let so much affect them. I mean, if a person goes through life with no emotions, nothing to hold him back, nothing to bring him down, he could accomplish so much. After all, the human body and mind are just tools. It is our consciousness that makes us do what we do, think what we think. If we kept all this emotion business out of it, we'd accomplish so much more, get so much more out of life. We could work every second of the day, no worries. Sounded perfect to me. But then I started to think, what's the point? All this work, all that money, for what?

So thus, I began to believe, that when the beautiful orchestra of evolution created man, all god had to do was add consciousness, to make things interesting, to make life worth living. So life became fun. It became variable. It gave us something to work for. It gave us love, war, happiness, sadness. It gave us our ups, downs and all arounds. It gave each person one common thing, thought, and put us all in the playing field of life. It gave people countless things to live for and countless things to die for. And if I have ever found something worth living for, it is you, and us. On my canvas, you are the thickest stroke. From the time we were 'acknowledgable acquaintances', to now, when I can't think of life without your smile, your laugh, your presence; it has been a beautiful journey.

Growing up, a large part of my time I spent alone. It's not that I didn't have people I loved around me. I have angels for a family and amazing friends, but still, I've always been someone who has had independent thoughts and opinions. I closed a large part of myself to the world. Not in a dark sinister sort of way, but more in the way that I preferred to just think, and get lost in my thoughts. I felt that they deserved to be only MY thoughts. And it is this mental independence (that stemmed purely from the lack of co-dependance) that I accredit for any sort of emotional maturity that I have. After a point, I began to realize how with most situations, I didn't need to share my points of view with people, simply because I was so comfortable with my own, and didn't feel the need for an opinion. So I let myself be whoever the situation wanted me to be, and reserved the true crazy, happy, fun-loving person that I am for my family. I didn't think there was anyone who I needed to be completely open with, and the thought of sharing my LIFE with someone seemed quite unnecessary. But that was until we happened. You're someone who I felt I could be myself around, who I felt was worth my opening up to. You're the first companion I had who I WANTED to open up to. And boy, that was just the beginning. From a want, you've become a need. I love you. And I love what you've done to me.

Every bit of me knows this can work. I know we can take whatever the hell life throws at us. It'll be hard, and that's why it'll be worth it. I love you.

-- Thank you for mirroring my thoughts, ninjip --


Monday, 8 October 2012

K(eep).I(t).S(imple).S(illy) ?


I’ve never considered myself to be an easy person to deal with. I’ve never claimed to be one either. But my experiences have taught me one thing- people find simplicity very inviting and comforting. It makes them feel like they have a lot less on their plate. Or maybe it’s the illusion of feeling empowered by dealing with and overcoming something uncomplicated. But I’ve tried simplicity, and it doesn’t do much for me. I think I’ve got too much to lose at the expense of simplicity. Emotion, intellect, knowledge, human behavior and interaction, and just the basic psyche of people- these are the things that excite me, none of which are “simple” in any sense. And I wouldn’t sacrifice them for simplicity. The bargain just isn’t inviting enough.

 None of what I’m saying is axiomatic. I’m simply stating what works for me. I’ve met very few people who would consciously adopt the same school of thought as me, and even fewer people who can appreciate the essence of what I believe, even if they choose not to follow it themselves.

 And because of this, I’ve had some anxious moments about this take on life. I’ve wondered if it would hinder my success- not professional or superficial success- but my success as a person. Self-doubt is by far the worst state of mind I’ve experienced. But my worst bout of self-doubt taught me something- how to be okay with it. Not to get immune to it and to let it not affect you, but to just know it’s important, and as clich├ęd as this may sound- to know it’ll pass. The strength to overcome this dubious state of mind may not always come from within. More often than not, it comes from an external source. It did for me.

 For the first time I surprised myself. I was willing to let another person take control of my problem, willing to let go of my obsessive nature of wanting to solve it on my own. And it was brilliant. It was amazing to discover things about myself and the world and the people and their emotions-the kind of things you assume only existed in YOUR head. It was comforting to know that there was another person whose head was as quirky yet tumultuous as mine. It was relieving to feel okay about not wanting to live with a fear of complexity. It was humbling to be appreciated purely for my rationale, my principles, my beliefs. For once it was easy, without any intention of mine to make it so. For once it was accidently “simple”. And it still is.

-- Keep it real and honest, silly. --